kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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