I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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