Only a mothe r could love this liver
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
