i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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