I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
two words...techno handjob
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
