Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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