Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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