ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
