I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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