I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
