He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize