i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You're like the curious george of whores
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
