capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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