I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
