Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
