Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
