do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
