You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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