weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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