the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
