my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
