im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
