I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
