We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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