She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
