I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
people are starting to question the shark bite story
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize