i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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