Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He better not be in your backpack
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
