if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
