Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
