Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
