We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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