fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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