Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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