Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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