Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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