she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
