Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
