You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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