If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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