Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
