Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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