So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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