By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
