if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm passing your future prison.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
