new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
