I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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