Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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