I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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