she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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