I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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