So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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