trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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