My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
