Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
