2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just tell him i said nine months
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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