she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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