If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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