i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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