she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
