That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
As shirtless as possible
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
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