...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
