remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
