Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
