If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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