Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
