grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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