Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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