Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize